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Sunday, 27 May 2012


saltbush, succulent and rosemary from the garden
farmers market treats with the husband and peppermint tea
parisian holiday planning 

the perfect kind of relaxing winter weekend x

Friday, 25 May 2012


I have a pretty broad palate these days but I can't say i've ever been a huge fan of sushi. Even in Japan i'd devour a salmon steak or a plate full of gyoza before I'd choose the sushi or sashimi. I know it's probably akin to sacrilege.  

Tonight we took my family to a Japanese restaurant we near home, the place which challenged my ambivalence with the freshest sushi, sashimi, wasabi and ginger combo you've ever tasted. Okay slight exaggeration, but you get my drift. We were there for my mum's birthday and i'm very pleased to say she's sushi's newest convert too! We're a sad lot, I know.


Saturday, 19 May 2012

Inward and onward

That old adage "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" has been my guiding principle in looking for the positives sans baby-growing. Since we won't be up all night changing nappies this July we're instead going to hop on a jet plane to visit some very good friends in London and do a bit of Europe (Yay!).

While it's going to be all sorts of amazing, unfortunately sometimes a few weeks of holidays on the horizon isn't enough to lift me out of the holding pattern that is waiting to be pregnant again. So i've spent a lot of time reading and navel-gazing in an effort to find fulfilment and happiness in the everyday, because no one likes a sad sack and let's face it, life's too short.

The last few books i've read and enjoyed on the topic are:

I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was by Barbara Sher

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

Conversations with Richard Bandler: Two NLP Masters Reveal the Secrets to Successful Living by Richard Bandler and Owen Fitzpatrick

At the suggestion of both my acupuncturist and a friend who had a great experience with it, I've also had a session of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). I went in with a healthy degree of skepticism given it's been largely discredited by science, however it has helped me to rationalise unhelpful thoughts and recognise how much our experiences of the world are shaped by the way we think. 

There were some areas of the NLP book I really didn't agree with (such as treating schizophrenics by 'going on a journey' with them - and in fact, believing it's wise to treat the condition with NLP in the first place) but there were some nuggets of wisdom, such as the idea that events are 'neutral' and gain meaning through the version of reality we project onto them. I've been finding this particularly helpful when dealing with the emotions of guilt and fear.

What about you, have you read any 'self-help' books that have really resonated? Or maybe tried some form of therapy or life coaching? 

Friday, 11 May 2012

A letter of loss

I've been debating whether or not to share this here; the vulnerability of these words exposing my fears and ultimately, my reality. But it's a reality that too many women experience, and too few share, so here goes...

Thursday 12 January, 2012, 7.20am

Despite that niggling feeling I had that you wouldn’t be there, today was to be the day we’d tell the world about you. My boss would know and we’d talk about maternity leave, the rest of Marcus’ family would know and I’d send my friends the happy message that all was on track.

But it wasn’t to be.

The biggest fear I’d had all along – a missed miscarriage – happened. All along I wasn’t concerned about the NT results or problems with the pregnancy, all I worried about was seeing that heartbeat and your wriggly web-like fingers and toes at the 12 week scan - the safe point. Increasingly at times I didn’t feel like this pregnancy was real, but I and others tried to brush it off as negative talk – and that’s not healthy for the baby. Maybe I need to give into my intuition a bit more; I think subconsciously I must have known you were no longer there.

As I read about miscarriage – a topic I tried to avoid because it scared the crap out of me – more spiritual people than me talk about losing a child. For us it’s the loss of what could have been; what was meant to be. Science tells me you were just a bunch of cells and on the ultrasound screen, that’s all you looked like. But you brought the promise of so much more and now it’s gone.

We tried to be pragmatic and not get ahead of ourselves, we didn’t buy anything for you or the nursery for fearing of ‘jinxing’ it. But we did imagine you in my swelling belly at upcoming weddings, beach days and housewarmings, gushingly telling people about you and the hopes we had. Those days are gone for now, but hopefully not forever.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Then the sun came out

Today I got to enjoy a beautiful day at home, courtesy of working until 3am on a website deployment. Sitting outside bathed in sunlight with the puppy dog by my side, I was filled with a sense of contentment and gratitude. They say 'it's the simple things in life' that make us happy; I think achieving this means giving ourselves the opportunity to really see and appreciate what is ordinary in our lives. 

I'm not always good at this but i'm working on it. 

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Healthy chocolate brownies

Mention sugar free or wheat free baked goods and you're not likely to make many new friends for afternoon tea. However I think these chocolate brownies are about to change all that.

These are seriously amazing, melt-in-your-mouth morsels of goodness. But let me backtrack a little. I went to my regular weekly acupuncture session last Friday thinking about what sweet thing I could bake for my grandmother's 90th on Saturday. And not only were some yummy brownie samples there for the taking, but all the ingredients were there as well - saving me an early morning trip to the supermarket (I have an aversion to that place but that's another story for another day!).

The recipe uses Loving Earth ingredients, but i'm sure that good quality substitutes would work just as well.


2/3 cup Loving Earth agave syrup
1/4 cup Loving Earth cacao butter (melted)
1/4 cup Loving Earth coconut butter (melted)
1 tbsp organic vanilla extract
3 free range organic eggs
1 cup organic almond flour (I used almond meal instead, works just as well)
1/2 cup Loving Earth cacao powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt 

1. Preheat oven to 175 degrees celsius.

2. Mix the melted butters, agave syrup, vanilla and eggs together until well combined. Add in the almond flour, cacao, baking soda and salt and stir until all the ingredients have come together and the mixture is smooth.

3. Pour the mixture into a greased 8 x 8 (ish) oven proof glass or ceramic dish and bake for 35 minutes or until the centre no longer jiggles.

4. Allow to cool in the dish and then cut into pieces and enjoy!