Dear Hugo: 16 months

Dear Hugo,

I write these words in between glancing at you cuddled in my arms, your eyes and body heavy with approaching sleep. I hold you now just as I've done almost every night for the past sixteen months, as we wait for sleep to come and I whisper words of love to you, sweet boy.

Your days are full of walking, talking, exploring and learning now, and you leave us in awe. You understand so much; any question I ask you respond with a nod or shake of your head. Your favorite word is "up" which you say 1,000 times a day. Closely followed by "Mama" and "Deh" (dad). You have a borderline obsessive fascination with the thermomix, 'big saw' and sodastream, thanks to some fun actions your dad has taught you. You give out hugs liberally, and kisses too, and display a confident charm and friendliness around others. 

You still love your milk, which is now just 'bedtime milk' and 'in the morning when we hear the birdies' milk. You've adapted so well to the changes we've made, and I think your dad secretly relishes the responsibility of snuggling in with you at night. You first slept through the night at 15 months (to 5.30am, when we got up early to take you to the snow for the first time). It was a strange thing to wakeup without you climbing all over us! 

Your favorite 'toy' is the Thermomix, and you love the sound horses make (neiggghhhh!), trains, trucks (especially the rubbish truck), and cars. You can find a beat in anything and we love an impromptu dance party in the lounge room. You also love to read, which makes my heart sing.

Every day you challenge me to be a more authentic version of myself, you inspire me with your joy, and fill me with such immense love. 

Thank you, my sweet boy. 

From dinner bases and boxed desserts: a journey to 'real food'

I think we're all on our own path when it comes to what we eat and our relationship with food; either consciously or unconsciously we choose certain foods to fuel our bodies and at times, indulge our emotions. These days, I strive to eat 'real' food - that is, food our great-grandparents would recognise as food, like organic whole fruit and vegetables, dairy, eggs and meat from pasture-raised animals, fish and grains. Food in it's most natural state. But it certainly wasn't always this way. 

When I was nineteen, I was a classic example of what they call ‘skinny fat’. I was working at a snow resort and fuelled that lifestyle of work hard, play hard with a steady diet of chicken nuggets, pepsi, pizza, curried sausages, and Sara-lee chocolate self-saucing pudding. Pretty much your standard 'edible, food-like substances' that fill supermarket shelves. I looked healthy, and felt okay, so I didn’t think much of it.

I also didn’t think much about where my food came from, except for buying free range eggs and chicken at the supermarket.

My mum would often lament where she went wrong, having raised us with home-cooked everything and no chips, lollies or soft drink to speak of. Our first cinema experience was going to see Milo and Otis and while every other kid was polishing off a choc top, we happily munched away on dates and celery sticks. I bet she was pretty chuffed at the time!

Fast forward to 2009, when, after coming off the contraceptive pill due to terrible migraines, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Although very common, many women need to take medication to be able to fall pregnant. With an aversion to taking more synthetic hormones, and time on my side, I investigated how to manage the condition through diet and Traditional Chinese Medicine. I discovered that eating foods with a low glycemic index (GI) would keep my insulin levels more constant and thus, my hormones more in balance. 

At the same time, I began to think more about where my food came from; the treatment of animals, food miles, chemicals and packaging.  

In 2011, my acupuncturist gave me an ebook by Cyndi O’Meara – I liked her approach & so I bought her book ‘Changing habits, changing lives’. This was a game-changer and kinda blew my mind. I read it while on an incredibly blissful yoga retreat in Thailand with my mum. We ate the cleanest, most delicious food I’d ever experienced and emptied our busied Western minds through seven days of challenging yoga practice and meditation - it was the perfect scenario to commit to real change. While there I stumbled on the book ‘Real food’ by Nina Planck. By the time the week was out, I was feeling better than I’d ever felt before, and had a new resolve to eat mindfully and nourish myself, particularly in preparation for trying for a baby. I fell pregnant straight away, but sadly miscarried at 12 weeks. 

Despite feeling like my body had betrayed me, my resolve to nourish myself grew even stronger. I scoured the internet for like-minded folk and found The Mindful Foodie and Econest and felt buoyed by their passion for conscious eating. At the same time I stumbled upon a local organic greengrocer and felt like I’d really found a community. They hosted monthly talks on different topics and we attended one with Steven Acuff on eating for longevity. With 30 years’ experience treating cancer patients through diet (alongside traditional medicine) he advocated whole foods, with a preference for macrobiotics and eating for your blood type. This was a little at odds with the Weston A. Price approach i'd been following, but we took it all on board.  

We watched Food Inc and Food Matters and learned about the politics of the food industry.

I devoured Michael Pollan’s books and we were fortunate to see him speak in Melbourne.

His mantra was simple: "EAT FOOD. NOT TOO MUCH. MOSTLY PLANTS.".

I became a more conscious consumer, shunning convenience for slow food, mindless purchasing of ‘stuff’ with more thoughtful consideration of needs and wants and the product lifecycle. I read and I watched things not just about food, but sustainability – I mention these here because it’s all connected. Once I became aware about one thing, it snowballed into another. 

I don't think there is any 'right way'. The choices i've made are part of my journey to understanding what values are important to me, so that I can move closer to living in alignment with them. And of course I fall off the wagon, but when I do it's usually because something else is out of balance (or I really just want that lemon tart or extra serving of ice cream!).

Now, as a mother i'm even more passionate about what we eat, where it comes from and the habits we create around food in our family. 

If your food habits have changed, what was the catalyst? If you're yet to make a change but want to, what is the biggest hurdle you need to overcome?

Cake smash!

So I'm ordinarily not one to encourage wasting food, but when it involves cute babies and cake, I'm willing to make an exception!

Last week some beautiful mums and their children gathered at my place to celebrate the first birthdays of three of our babies, born within two weeks of each other. This circle of women have helped me find my path in motherhood and feel less alone in my parenting choices. An amazing group to be part of and one I'm so grateful for.

With a photographer in the mix, and my penchant for cake, the plan for a cake smash photo session was hatched! Hugo hadn't had refined sugar before, so I wanted to go light on it. I used a classic butter cake recipe from Jude Blereau's ' Wholefood for Children' book, which calls for spelt flour as it's more easily digested than wheat flour, and raw sugar, the less refined cousin of white sugar. Instead of icing I used whipped cream, coloured red with strawberries. There were also two layers of cream in the cake, one coloured green with kiwi fruit, and one purplish one, using blueberries.

Given Hugo was shoveling whole fistfuls in his mouth I'm quite glad I didn't go with traditional icing! It was so fun to watch the babies start with licking the 'icing' tentatively, watching each other's reactions to the taste and texture, and looking for cues on what to do next. By the end they were right into it, clawing chunks from the cake delightedly.

They were really experiencing the joy of food and celebration, an important part of the food culture I want to foster in our family. I believe there is much more to food than simply nutrition.

a list: random thoughts

It's one of those weeks here where there's more balls in the air than I can catch. So many jumbled thoughts and ideas and to-dos. Inspired by Jodi's list-making over at Practicing Simplicity, here's my version.

I am...

making corn fritters, and savoury muffins and other healthful snacks perfect for little hands.
cooking well-planned meals. We save more, eat better and waste less - should have got onto this sooner!
drinking green smoothies. Perfect go-to when I have a glut of kale.
reading too much stuff on parenting. I need a breather. Next on my list is 'Plentitude: The New Economics of True Wealth' and 'Women who run with the wolves'
wanting my baby to wake a little less overnight. I need to get work done & I neeeed sleeeeep.
looking forward to celebrating Hugo's first birthday.
playing lullabies at bedtime, and almost putting us both to sleep.
wasting time faffing about when I could be doing things that 'fill my cup'.
sewing absolutely nothing - one day.
wishing for a little bit more time to myself in the evenings.
enjoying working through the Dream. Discover. Do. ecourse.
waiting to get chooks. And getting impatient!
liking being back at work.
wondering what will become of our environment, healthcare and education system under this woeful government.
loving watching Marcus and Hugo together. I think my husband falls more in love with his son each day.
hoping Hugo will settle into Family Day Care and sleep okay so we don't get kicked out!
marvelling at how quickly Hugo learns to do new things.
needing to organise and declutter. And budget and save. You know, that old chestnut.
smelling sweet baby skin at bedtime.
wearing Saltwater sandals.
following my instinct.
noticing that i've settled into motherhood quite comfortably now.
knowing that everything with children is a season.
thinking constantly. Must slow down.
bookmarking Mr Money Mustache for a financial/consumerism reality check every now and again.
opening invitations in the mail for happy occasions.
giggling at the weekend shenanigans with my girlfriends. Weddings are so wonderful for bringing everyone together.
feeling lucky.

Fading summer

A brief afternoon sojourn in the sun yesterday was a reminder of just how fleeting these days of babyhood are. 

Next summer these hands will spend their time building sandcastles instead of crawling, and the excited squeals of delight will give way to words. There'll be running into the waves, dog-chasing and dream-catching. 

As one season gives way to the next I feel a profound sense of gratitude for this moment and the beautiful simplicity of childhood. 

May this boy spend many more joyful summers getting salty.

Camping in Tasmania

Earlier this month, we hired a campervan and spent six days touring the Tasmanian East Coast, staying beachfront in Freycinet National Park and the Bay of Fires.  

The road to the coast weaves inland and out again, through ancient forest and quiet coastal towns of fibro shacks and million-dollar vistas, the winding roads heaven for motorcyclists (and babies who need a sleep!). 

We found our site at dusk and settled in just in time to watch the sunset over Coles Bay, before cooking dinner in the very well-appointed van kitchen. After going bush camping without running water a few weeks earlier, it was quite luxurious! The following day we did the walk to Wineglass Bay, a 2.5 hour return. Hugo happily travelled in the Ergobaby carrier on Marcus' back, sleeping when he needed to. 

While staying in Freycinet, we also took part in a Ranger activity on bush teas and edible plants. We sipped tea, and sampled nuts, seeds and berries from surrounding bushland, while learning about the settlement of the region and indigenous customs. 

After three nights in Freycinet we headed north to a free camping spot at Cosy Corner, at the southern end of the region known as the 'Bay of Fires'. It was given this name in 1773 by an explorer who saw many fires on the beach, lit by the local indigenous people. 

It's name could also be attributed to the fiery orange-red granite of the rocks, quite breathtaking against the aqua water. The colour of the water was a real surprise; we didn't imagine Tassie to have the inviting waters of other parts of Australia, I suppose due to the climate. February is a fantastic time to camp in Tassie as it's the end of the holiday season and the weather is still warm. I'm sure the crisp winter days are beautiful too, but with a baby it was definitely easier being outdoors as much as possible.

Here are our baby travel essentials:

• car seat for interstate travel (you can hire them, but we've enjoyed the peace-of-mind knowing that Hugo is comfortable sleeping in his own seat for long drives
• a baby carrier or two: we take the Ergobaby carrier and a woven wrap/sling
• lots of changes of clothes, particularly if you have a mobile baby!
• disposable nappies (we use cloth at home but use eco-disposables when travelling)
• bibs, washcloths, baby wipes 
• a plan for daily meals (we meal-planned for the week on our first day, doing most of the shopping in Hobart)
• a picnic blanket
• first-aid kit 
• stroller 
• a few favourite toys and books

Hugo enjoyed watching the wildlife, eating dirt and chewing travel brochures more than his own toys, but they were handy to have when we needed to confine him to the van. 

Have you done much travelling with young children? What would your 'essentials' list look like?

When worlds collide

Today I returned to paid employment after 12 months maternity leave. Waking up before the alarm, I slip out of bed, leaving my two sleeping boys, and pull on a pair of pre-pregnancy 'work pants'; they look different on this body, irrevocably changed by motherhood. And not unhappily so; where yoga teaches respect for the body, pregnancy and childbirth leave me in awe.

With post-it notes on lunches for husband, baby and grandma in the fridge, and my lunch and breast pump in a bag, I say my distracted goodbyes and i'm out the door to make the train. 

My head already at work, my heart forever at home.

I bounce up the stairs of Parliament station, greeted by the familiar cheer of the homeless man selling the Big Issue, his weather spiel unchanged (forecasting a scorching 62 million degrees today). 

My mind is a sponge, trying to absorb the information; of conversion funnels, user experience and journey mapping. Everyone asks about my son, now almost one: "how times flies!"

Everything changes, yet everything stays the same.

But I am different.